Jill and Eric Penne

7 things your GPS should be able to do

This post may not originate from Eric and may not contain all the text. Click here for the full article.

My friend J.R. was disappointed.

His bicycle-mounted GPS receiver could tell him at a glance that he had burned 1,080 calories at that point on our bike ride, but it was not able to translate that into Beer Equivalent Units (BEUs).

Image via Wikipedia

You would think something like that would be a no-brainer this far into the 21st Century, but no.

There are several things I will expect to be able to get before I even think about getting a GPS unit for my bicycle.

BEU capability that will convert calories and/or watts to pints of amber ale, pale ale, IPA, stout, Sam Adams Irish Red or any other product of the brewer’s art that is not “lite” or “light.”
Time and distance to the nearest tavern and/or brew pub with any of the above on tap, along with price per pint in effect at my ETA. (Indicators should all begin flashing within 30 minutes of end of Happy Hour.)
Estimated Time to Bonk (ETB) based on my previous caloric intake, physical exertion, body mass index (BMI) and tire pressure.
Value of cash on hand vis-à-vis the price per pint at currently selected target destination.
Present location of said cash and/or debit card – e.g., seat bag, left-side jersey pocket, right-side jersey pocket, top of dresser at home.
The whereabouts of Mrs. Smith in relation to me as well as to the nearest J. Jill store or shopping mall (outlet or otherwise) so I know how much time I have to kill.
Availability of taxi/limo service for ride home.

That isn’t too much to ask, is it?

I think not.

Pedal on.

P.S. Father’s Day is just over that next rolling hill. Gift idea?